Home again from an incredibly wet week in the sticks. No TV, no pc, no phone – the silence would have been unnerving were it not for the near constant bickering and squabbling from the kids and the beating of the torrential rain.
Happy days.
It was almost like being back in the 70’s again, except I didn’t have my favourite Spiderman t-shirt. The one that was tight enough even on my (then) skinny frame to make breathing a chore. It was a lovely shade of bile-yellow with lurid green piping and a peeling transfer of Spidey webbing some hapless thug.
There’s a faded Polaroid of me in this infamous shirt, shivering on a Summer beach-front somewhere and sitting astride a rather miserable looking donkey, but, don’t worry, I won’t inflict such rose-tinted 70’s nostalgia on you.
Anyway, I digress, but it was weird to be away from the 24 hour instant access world, even for just a few days. In a good way though… I think.
Of course, that means I have a hell of a lot to catch up with. Hopefully, my inbox will be inundated with acceptances and other glorious things to celebrate. I’m nothing if not optimistic.
First thing the kids did once we got back was turn on the TV (SpongeBob is a God to be worshipped at all times) and ask for the laptop to be booted up to speak to their friends on Live Messenger (u up 2?; nthn mch u?; nthn mch).
Normal service is resumed.
Friday, 17 July 2009 Picture This
The new issue of Morpheus Tales hit the shelves a couple of weeks back. I’m not sure exactly where or in what sort of quantity, but you get the idea. It’s out…now.
My contributor copy made its way past the bio-hazard tape, the high stone walls, the rusted gates and the fearsome Boneyard security system and into my ink-stained hands yesterday. A nice looking thing it is too. What could be nicer than seeing your name on the cover alongside Joe R. Lansdale? I’m pretty sure that’ll never happen again.
Check out one of the illustrations to my story below.
A big thanks here to the artist, Robert Leija, who’s done a great job. I couldn’t be happier with the artwork he’s provided.
Now, if only I’d put as much effort into the story.
My contributor copy made its way past the bio-hazard tape, the high stone walls, the rusted gates and the fearsome Boneyard security system and into my ink-stained hands yesterday. A nice looking thing it is too. What could be nicer than seeing your name on the cover alongside Joe R. Lansdale? I’m pretty sure that’ll never happen again.
Check out one of the illustrations to my story below.
A big thanks here to the artist, Robert Leija, who’s done a great job. I couldn’t be happier with the artwork he’s provided.
Now, if only I’d put as much effort into the story.
Friday, 10 July 2009 Rated and Slated
I’ve always been a little wary of critique services, but I came across one a while back that sounded OK and I was curious. I’d just finished a story that I thought was pretty good, but seemed to be missing something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
It was an 1800 word story, the fee was negligible and they promised a quick turnaround. What did I have to lose? Other than my pride and dignity, that is, but I lost those a long time ago anyway.
So I dipped my toe in the water and sat back, waiting for the words of wisdom to come in.
Two months later, I sent a polite query asking if they could give me an idea of when to expect my critique.
A month after that, I finally got my ‘full service critique.’ It’s presented here in all its glory.
Now, that’s what I call a full critique. I have a cool looking chart showing exactly where the story succeeds and where it fails. What could be better than that?
I scored fairly high in most areas, but my presentation let me down a little. They asked for it to be sent as plain text in the body of an e-mail, not standard manuscript format. I duly obliged, so where I failed in presentation I really don’t know, but I’ll take it on the chin and move on.
Still, money well spent, I think you’ll agree.
But wait, there’s more. Not only did I get this rather fancy looking chart, I also had a bonus comment. Free of charge, no less. Now, that’s what I call a deal.
‘You clearly can write,’ it said.
Yes, I can; I learned at school. They taught me to read too. On a good day I can also clean my teeth, get dressed all by my own and, albeit at a push, I can even do myself a nice little packed lunch. Although it has to be said, I make a mess with the peanut butter.
Never, ever again.
I think I’ve since found the missing element that eluded me for a while with that story, but I still haven’t sold it. Come on editors – it scored 7 out of 10 for originality. That can’t be bad.
It was an 1800 word story, the fee was negligible and they promised a quick turnaround. What did I have to lose? Other than my pride and dignity, that is, but I lost those a long time ago anyway.
So I dipped my toe in the water and sat back, waiting for the words of wisdom to come in.
Two months later, I sent a polite query asking if they could give me an idea of when to expect my critique.
A month after that, I finally got my ‘full service critique.’ It’s presented here in all its glory.
Now, that’s what I call a full critique. I have a cool looking chart showing exactly where the story succeeds and where it fails. What could be better than that?
I scored fairly high in most areas, but my presentation let me down a little. They asked for it to be sent as plain text in the body of an e-mail, not standard manuscript format. I duly obliged, so where I failed in presentation I really don’t know, but I’ll take it on the chin and move on.
Still, money well spent, I think you’ll agree.
But wait, there’s more. Not only did I get this rather fancy looking chart, I also had a bonus comment. Free of charge, no less. Now, that’s what I call a deal.
‘You clearly can write,’ it said.
Yes, I can; I learned at school. They taught me to read too. On a good day I can also clean my teeth, get dressed all by my own and, albeit at a push, I can even do myself a nice little packed lunch. Although it has to be said, I make a mess with the peanut butter.
Never, ever again.
I think I’ve since found the missing element that eluded me for a while with that story, but I still haven’t sold it. Come on editors – it scored 7 out of 10 for originality. That can’t be bad.
Friday, 3 July 2009 How (Not) to Deal with Pesky Kids
I recently caught ‘The Ring’ on TV and was reminded how good it is. Most Hollywood versions of j-horror tend to be pretty lame compared to their original counterparts, but this one really got under my skin the first time I saw it. Second time around, it did exactly the same. There’s a great sense of creeping dread throughout the whole film. Very dark, very disturbing.
Of course, the original is great too, but it’s been a long while since I saw that and I wanted to do a quick compare and contrast. Especially of that scene – you know the one.
Like most things these days, the whole film is on You Tube for your viewing pleasure (albeit in 10 minute chunks) but I also came across this. Dark, disturbing? Or is it just plain cruel?
Gave me a chuckle anyway. Those poor kids.
Of course, the original is great too, but it’s been a long while since I saw that and I wanted to do a quick compare and contrast. Especially of that scene – you know the one.
Like most things these days, the whole film is on You Tube for your viewing pleasure (albeit in 10 minute chunks) but I also came across this. Dark, disturbing? Or is it just plain cruel?
Gave me a chuckle anyway. Those poor kids.
Monday, 29 June 2009 Trust Me
'Sometimes you can learn more about a person by what they don’t tell you. Sometimes you can learn a lot from the things they just make up. If you are tagged with this Meme, lie to me. Then tag 7 other folks (one for each deadly sin) and hope they can lie.'
All round puppy wrangler and zombie star Samantha Sterner caught me a vicious sideswipe to the head tagging me with this – I wasn’t due to post again until Thursday. Stops me being lazy though, so here goes.
Pride: What is your biggest contribution to the world?
The new James Bond novel – L.R. Bonehill writing as Sebastian Faulks writing as Ian Fleming.
Oh, and religion, that was me too. That’s pretty big, I guess.
Envy: What do your co-workers wish they had which is yours?
All the scripts for the final season of Lost.
Gluttony: What did you eat last night?
Dodo fillet. They make great pets too, by the way. Dodos that is, not just the cooked fillets; that would be too weird.
Lust: What really lights your fire?
Not sure I should post that here – I don’t think anyone would ever talk to me again.
If you really want to know, just send me an e-mail, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Anger: What is the last thing that really pissed you off?
Chewing gum, but I can’t say why.
Greed: Name something you keep from others.
The fact that I know everyone’s secrets – especially yours and, I have to say, I’m shocked. In a good way, though.
Sloth: What's the laziest thing you've ever done?
Left my completed trilogy on the shelf to rot because I can’t be bothered to write a query letter.
So there you have it, and not a word of a lie.
Rebecca, Michael, Benjamin, consider yourself well and truly tagged. If you want to, that is.
Remember though, the fate of the world rests on your decision. No pressure…
All round puppy wrangler and zombie star Samantha Sterner caught me a vicious sideswipe to the head tagging me with this – I wasn’t due to post again until Thursday. Stops me being lazy though, so here goes.
Pride: What is your biggest contribution to the world?
The new James Bond novel – L.R. Bonehill writing as Sebastian Faulks writing as Ian Fleming.
Oh, and religion, that was me too. That’s pretty big, I guess.
Envy: What do your co-workers wish they had which is yours?
All the scripts for the final season of Lost.
Gluttony: What did you eat last night?
Dodo fillet. They make great pets too, by the way. Dodos that is, not just the cooked fillets; that would be too weird.
Lust: What really lights your fire?
Not sure I should post that here – I don’t think anyone would ever talk to me again.
If you really want to know, just send me an e-mail, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Anger: What is the last thing that really pissed you off?
Chewing gum, but I can’t say why.
Greed: Name something you keep from others.
The fact that I know everyone’s secrets – especially yours and, I have to say, I’m shocked. In a good way, though.
Sloth: What's the laziest thing you've ever done?
Left my completed trilogy on the shelf to rot because I can’t be bothered to write a query letter.
So there you have it, and not a word of a lie.
Rebecca, Michael, Benjamin, consider yourself well and truly tagged. If you want to, that is.
Remember though, the fate of the world rests on your decision. No pressure…
Friday, 26 June 2009 Chip off the Old Chopping Block
One of our local museums recently ran a Myths and Monsters exhibition covering things like dragons, sea-beasts, legendary creatures and all sorts of other monstrous fare. They even had huge animatronic models. Good, cool stuff, especially for kids. And my kids loved it, they really did.
The museum was also running a My Scary Monster Story competition which I encouraged them to enter. One of them did and wrote a short story about zombie parents. Not sure what he was trying to get at there…
I was a thorn in his side and made him rewrite and polish it a few times before sending it in. Old habits die hard, I guess.
To cut to the chase, Zombie Hotel came first in its age range and won cold, hard cash and publication in the museum newsletter. Seven years old and he’s already been paid more per word than I have!
He now carries a little notebook around with him, so he can write wherever he is. He’s also reading the Super Book of Ghost Stories and wants to watch Dawn of the Dead (think that’ll be a No). Start them young, I say.
So, after this first taste of success, does he want to be writer when he grows up? Nope – he still wants to be a wrestler.
The museum was also running a My Scary Monster Story competition which I encouraged them to enter. One of them did and wrote a short story about zombie parents. Not sure what he was trying to get at there…
I was a thorn in his side and made him rewrite and polish it a few times before sending it in. Old habits die hard, I guess.
To cut to the chase, Zombie Hotel came first in its age range and won cold, hard cash and publication in the museum newsletter. Seven years old and he’s already been paid more per word than I have!
He now carries a little notebook around with him, so he can write wherever he is. He’s also reading the Super Book of Ghost Stories and wants to watch Dawn of the Dead (think that’ll be a No). Start them young, I say.
So, after this first taste of success, does he want to be writer when he grows up? Nope – he still wants to be a wrestler.
Friday, 19 June 2009 Podding
This week saw me collect my 4th rejection from Pseudopod – just one more and I get a free wall chart and a set of stickers to track my rejection misery. So, it’s not all bad.
This is a market I would really love to crack; I think I’d sell what’s left of my blackened soul to place a story there. Maybe one day… I’ll keep trying anyway.
Until then, I’ll console myself with the fact that this was my first personal rejection from the head honcho there, so the story can’t have been terrible.
So, to celebrate (tenuous, I know) here’s a link to one of my favourite podcast stories - Under the Bridge Downtown by Gary A. Braunbeck and Matthew Warner.
If you haven’t come across this story before, be warned: it’s not for the easily offended. It’s not extreme or hardcore (my taste doesn’t run that way) but it does deal with a difficult subject matter and it’s emotionally devastating.
To me, this is short horror fiction at its best.
If you’re reading this, Gary (he’s an avid fan of the blog, you know) I fully expect you to link to one my stories too.
This is a market I would really love to crack; I think I’d sell what’s left of my blackened soul to place a story there. Maybe one day… I’ll keep trying anyway.
Until then, I’ll console myself with the fact that this was my first personal rejection from the head honcho there, so the story can’t have been terrible.
So, to celebrate (tenuous, I know) here’s a link to one of my favourite podcast stories - Under the Bridge Downtown by Gary A. Braunbeck and Matthew Warner.
If you haven’t come across this story before, be warned: it’s not for the easily offended. It’s not extreme or hardcore (my taste doesn’t run that way) but it does deal with a difficult subject matter and it’s emotionally devastating.
To me, this is short horror fiction at its best.
If you’re reading this, Gary (he’s an avid fan of the blog, you know) I fully expect you to link to one my stories too.
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