Wednesday, 22 December 2010 Boneyard Tales Presents

It’s Christmas special time at the Boneyard, so here’s a tale to keep you cold and shivering with fear, presented in all its unedited and unexpurgated glory. Prepare yourself for…

Visitors from the Grave

by E.V. Bonehill (Aged 9 and a bit)

A long time ago in a city in America there was an evil scientist who wanted the dead to come back alive. And that is exactly what happened because he made a potion that was finished in a decade and it had the most bizarre ingredients ever. A couple of weeks after it was finished he went to the local graveyard and poured the potion on the dirt and gory zombies, vampires and ghosts with knives came out of the dirt and ate the flesh of the evil scientist and he was DEAD!!!

The zombies, vampires and the ghosts haunted the whole block by the end of the night. One of the ghosts, while a man was on the toilet, went through the sewer to the man’s toilet, got his knife out to the back of his head and killed him.

At another guy’s house, while he was having a shower, a zombie crept into the house and the man saw him and screamed but it did not save him because the zombie bit him and he died. The guy who lived there had a wife and the guy (who was now a zombie) went to the living room and while he was coming his wife moaned. “Hurry up in the shower!” He got to the living room and his wife screamed, "Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Straight after the scream she was gutted because her life was OVER!!!

While all that was happening, 50% of the vampires were going to invade a hotel. It took them hours to get there but on the way they all drained the blood of at least 100 living bodies. When they got to the hotel, they went to the receptionist and they all clambered on to him and all of his blood was drained!!!!

They went to every room in the building. In the hotel each vampire bit approximately 10000 people. When they finished the hotel they went to a local shop. To get to the shop it took them about 5 minutes. The shop was very little and it didn’t have that much people inside because it was about to close. They bit every single person in the shop and for the people there it was a nightmarish bloodbath. They finished in the shop and they went back to the graveyard.

When every one of the masters of horror got back to the graveyard the whole gang of terror planned on invading the Empire State building but that would have to wait as they were all very tired after enjoying the vile night of BLOOD and GORE!!!


Really don't know where he gets it from...

Have a great Christmas and all the very best for 2011.

Tuesday, 14 December 2010 Dark Threads

The latest 52 Stitches anthology is out now and just look at that extraordinarily creepy cover. The collection features my story Lock and Key and a whole host of other flash weirdness.

It’s good stuff and I can vouch for at least 90% of the stories. The questionable 10% is mine by the way, but don’t tell anybody.

All proceeds go to the Jamie Eyberg memorial fund. Fellow Stitches author Jamie, along with his wife, tragically passed away earlier this year leaving two young children and the fund has been set up for their benefit.

Buy the anthology from Amazon and check out a very special offer from the wonderful Cate Gardner here.

Dig deep, buy two (it’s Christmas after all) and spread the word.

Monday, 22 November 2010 Exit to Brooklyn

One day I’ll stop talking about Hint Fiction, I really will. Today isn’t that day though, so please bear with me and I’ll keep it brief.

The anthology is reviewed over at Vol 1 Brooklyn and for some reason it made me smile. Maybe this little excerpt will hint at why.

‘The stories that follow his introduction, arranged into three sections (“Life & Death,” “Love & Hate,” and “This & That”), occupy a wide stylistic and emotional range. Among the highlights: Peter Straub, L.R. Bonehill, and Joe R. Lansdale embracing the pulp potential of the form…’

Yep – still smiling.

Monday, 15 November 2010 Utterly, Utterly Loathsome

Loathsome, Dark and Deep. What’s not to like?

Check it out.

Monday, 1 November 2010 A Blog Post in 25 Words or Fewer

It’s official.

Today’s the day.

Get the Hint.

Thursday, 28 October 2010 What? Really? Me? No way!

Thanks to the divine Mercedes Yardley for pointing me in the direction of a small, home-made fanzine called The New Yorker this morning.

If you want to see why, check it out here.

You can even get a sneak-peek at my contribution to the fantastic Hint Fiction anthology. Well, not quite a sneak-peek more like the whole glorious deal.

Before you head over there, I’ll tell you that my story is entitled Cull, just so you know you’re in for some happy reading.

Is this real? Is it time to wake up yet?

Thursday, 7 October 2010 Hammered

Films, as much as stories and books, made me want to write way back when I was young. Some of those early inspirations were the classic Universal monster flicks, the Amicus portmanteau films and, of course, the seemingly endless supply of Hammer productions.

The good news is that Hammer is back with a remake of the Swedish original Let the Right One In, and a number of other works in progress.

All well and good and I hope it works out.

What I found really interesting though, was that they’re venturing into the publishing world too. Arrow Books are gearing up a Hammer imprint and the first title will be a novella by renowned literary author Jeanette Winterson. More details here.

It may well be too early to say things are looking up for our much maligned genre, but I’m certainly looking forward to this and hope they can deliver.

Baited breath, and all that.

Tuesday, 5 October 2010 Flashing Freebies

I’ve been remiss with this little blog for a while now for a multitude of reasons far too dull to mention, but I really should point you in the direction of this.

Now, go bag yourself some flashy goodies.

Wednesday, 1 September 2010 The Grindstone

Back to work today after a break that included a few days by the sea, an all-action theme park, a smelly zoo, too much food, not enough drink, and general messing / lazing around with the kids. Good stuff.

I’d like to say I feel refreshed and primed for action, but already it’s like I’ve never been away. Why is it always like that?

The holidays played havoc with my writing time, so I’m hoping that will pick up again once the kids are back at school tomorrow and I can really knuckle down and get something done. Here’s hoping.

It was the wallet that really bore the brunt of the summer assault though and it’s currently feeling decidedly sorry for itself and looking more than a little worse for wear.

I’m about to put a hastily made sign up in my office window to attract any passers-by: Will Write for Food.

That should help.

Tuesday, 24 August 2010 RIP

I must have started and re-started this post about a dozen times since I found out the news earlier today, and still can’t find the right words, so I’ll keep it short.

RIP Jamie and Ann.

My deepest condolences to their family.

Wednesday, 11 August 2010 Strange Indeed

It’s all getting just a little freaky here thanks to the very strange Mike Stone and the equally, if not more so, strange Cate Gardner, and the possibly stranger still, Strange Publications.

What a weird bunch of reprobates they are.

For some obscure reason beyond my ken, I’ve been included in all this random surrealism and hereby nominate anyone strange enough to visit my small, dark niche of the web to be equally embraced.

That means you, yes you, and especially you there at the back.

Check out the weirdness here.

Friday, 30 July 2010 Goodbye July

I’m obviously not a very dedicated blogger; it’s been a few weeks since my last outing here. I’m feeling more than a little guilty about that, and about not always keeping up with the community as well as I should.

Things have been pretty quiet on the writing / publication front recently, but I couldn’t let July pass by without posting something, even something as pointless as this.

Update-wise, I’m taking a break from shorts and am sketching out what will hopefully be a novella of sorts. A pretty dark and bleak one at that, by the looks of it.

Right now, I’m just hoping I can stay focused enough on this little project to see it through and make it the best it can be.

Time will tell.

Monday, 28 June 2010 What Now?

Now that Lost is done and dusted and England are (based on performance and attitude, quite rightly) out of the World Cup, I’m in desperate need of a new obsession to keep me going.

If I don’t find something quick smart, then I’m in real danger of having some distraction-free writing time on my hands.

There must be something else out there to stop me putting pen to paper, surely?

I’ve always thought I’d be a dab hand at crocheting…

Thursday, 24 June 2010 Listen Up

Friends, bloggers, random i-Pod shufflers, lend me your ears… if you have a few minutes to spare, that is.

Head on over to the excellent Cast Macabre where you’ll find my story Lock and Key. It’s part of their Stab of Fear flash fiction series and is given a great reading by host Barry J. Northern.

Feel free to drop a comment at the main site or on the Cast Macabre Facebook page – how fancy is that?

As an added bonus, you can rest assured that anyone kind enough to add a word or two is guaranteed some mighty Bonehill generated support and flag waving for a World Cup team of their choosing… except Germany… sorry.

Thanks to Barry for bringing my little tale to life.

Now, what are you doing still here?

Thursday, 10 June 2010 On the Trail

Book trailers can be a strange thing; sometimes cheap and tacky, sometimes very well executed and intriguing enough to get you clicking through to Amazon.

Without doubt, this is the best one I’ve seen.

Tuesday, 8 June 2010 Answers? Who Needs Answers?

Two weeks after the rest of the modern world, I finally managed to catch up with the Lost finale over the weekend.

I’ve suffered self-imposed exile, a near-total media blackout and manfully resisted all temptations to have a sneak peek at Lost news. I’ve used the net at work only when necessary and with one eye half closed for fear of stumbling across unwanted revelations. I even had a sign on my office door promising to bestow vast unpleasantness upon anyone who divulged anything, anything at all.

So, the big question is: was it all worth it?

The answer is a clear cut yes… and no.

I thought parts of it were absolutely fantastic and others were a little disappointing.

It’s not the lack of answers that bothered me – after all, mysteries are enticing because they’re… well… mysterious. Take that away and what are you left with?

It was the saturation of sentimentality that nagged at me a little. I’m all for tugging at the heart-strings and shedding a tear or two, but it was all too much, and each new tender ‘awakening’ just seemed to distract from the emotional core rather than enhance it.

Still, minor quibbles aside, it was more or less a fitting end and I have no complaints about Lost as a whole.

It’s given me six years of inventive and ever intriguing television – a great story, brilliantly told. Can’t ask for much more than that.

And, let’s face it, who wouldn’t kill to write something that could make people react like the bunch of bawlers below?

Friday, 14 May 2010 Locked Up

Just a quick word of utterly shameful self promotion today. My flash piece Lock and Key is due to go live over at 52 Stitches on Sunday.

I don’t mean to sound needy, but…

Check it out.

Go on.


Thanks again to Aaron for having me.

Tuesday, 11 May 2010 How it All Ends

I know it has its critics, but for my money Lost is the best TV show there has been for years, maybe the best ever, period. I’m a complete Lost apologist, no doubt about it.

I can’t begin to tell you how much I’m looking forward to (and also, to some extent, dreading) the final act.

With just 2 episodes left before the finale I find myself in a bit of a quandary. It usually airs on Tuesday in the States and Friday here in the UK, so we’re 3 days behind which is pretty good going for us Brits.

For the finale though, we’re going to be a full 5 days behind. So, the question is: is there any real chance I can avoid spoilers for that long, especially with something as eagerly anticipated as this?

No matter how hard I try to avoid the Net for a few days, you can pretty much guarantee snippets or even the whole shebang will sneak out somewhere when I least expect it.

Worse still, if I overhear a conversation on the bus revealing that it’s actually all a dream and the whole cast wake up in the shower being lathered up by a sparkly-eyed Bobby Ewing, I will not be happy.

I don’t really want to join the dodgy-download-brigade, so the only real alternative is to lock myself away in an isolation chamber and lose a week of my life.

I just hope it’s worth it.

Friday, 30 April 2010 Tell Them L.R. Sent You

Just a couple of quick recommendations this week. Check out Write Good or Die – a free download available here.

It’s a collection of articles edited by Scott Nicholson with contributors including J.A. Konrath, Alexandra Sokoloff, Jonathan Maberry, Douglas Clegg and more. In other words, people who know what they’re talking about.

It’s good stuff.

Also, if you’re a Stephen King fan, head over to the Castle Rock Podcast for a discussion on Carrie - the first in a chronological series looking over his back catalogue.

I first read Pet Sematary when I was 12 years old (probably too young, I guess) and was hooked for years after, so I’m looking forward to a little misty-eyed nostalgia in the weeks to come.

Friday, 23 April 2010 Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink

I’m lucky enough to have a fairly short commute into work – a mile or so walk where my mind wanders where it will, followed by a bus ride where I can catch up with a little reading. As the bus rounds a particular corner, a story always nudges me, gives me a sly wink before slipping away.

It’s a story I wrote around 18 months back and set aside soon after, knowing something wasn’t quite right with it, but not sure exactly what or how to put it right. A story I’d more or less forgotten about, like many others that don’t seem to have that peculiar spark or whatever else it is that makes me think it’s something worthwhile.

Yet, every morning without fail, that story crops up; doesn’t matter how intent I am on what I’m reading or what else is on my mind, something just clicks in my head at a certain point on the journey and disappears again just as quickly.

It’s the click of a light switch as a bulb pops a fraction of a second later.

Quite frankly, it’s beginning to bug me, so I think it’s time to dig into the archives and take another look.

Maybe there’s something in that sorry tale after all.

Or maybe I just need to burn it and lay it to rest once and for all.

Thursday, 8 April 2010 Lost No More

Found: one mojo. A little bruised, a little battered, but more or less intact… I think… I hope.

Time will tell.

Amazing what unplugging for a while can do.

Wednesday, 10 February 2010 Lost

Missing: one Bonehill shaped mojo previously utilised for writing dark tales of grim deeds and despair. Last seen in a rather worryingly forlorn state knocking its head against a desk in the hope that the ensuing blood patterns would form words.

Believed to be somewhere in the vicinity of a blank page.

If anyone knows of its whereabouts, please drop me a line as I’m now getting very concerned about its well-being.

Come home soon, mojo… please.

Thanks for looking.