Wednesday, 26 August 2009 A Stitch in Time

I’m sure I don’t need to remind you, but I’m going to anyway: Fifty-Two Stitches is available for pre-order right now.

It’s packed with great stories and has a very creepy cover courtesy of Aaron Polson - is there nothing this guy can’t turn his hand to?


So, what are you waiting for? Don’t waste your time reading this nonsense, head on over and place your order. You know you want to.

As soon as I get my copy, I’m going to sign it, auction it on eBay and buy it back myself at an extortionate headline grabbing fee in the perverted hope that it raises my pitiful profile.

Monday, 17 August 2009 Hobbled

After my whinge-fest in the last post about not having enough time and wanting the world to stop for a while, I experienced a classic case of be careful what you wish for. The world didn’t exactly stop and wait for me to catch up, but it certainly slowed.

All because of what should have been an innocuous little fall, a simple misplaced step as I crossed a ditch. My foot caught in a hole in the dirt; the rest of me fell and my stubborn foot stayed just where it was for a little too long until deciding to follow the rest of my falling body.

I’ve written about intense white-hot pain before, but don’t think I’ve ever actually felt it... until then, that is.

As I struggled to my feet and tried to walk, it felt as if my foot had been ripped off and I was trying to walk on a raw and bloodied stump.

After hours of waiting in Accident and Emergency to see a doctor, then god knows how long waiting for an x-ray and another wait for the doctor, I was told that nothing was broken, but that I’d damaged muscle and torn ligaments and it would take a while to heal.

A week later and I can just about put weight on the thing and manage to get around, albeit with a rather peculiar and ridiculous gait that would easily qualify for the Ministry of Silly Walks. A walk that’s resulted in much mocking and little sympathy from my loving family.

Still, the upside of all this is some unexpected time off work in which I’ve managed to catch up on some of those things I whined about in the last post. Not enough obviously, but I’m not complaining.

On those occasions (few and far between) when I’ve managed to wrestle the lap-top away from an evil family member, I’ve even managed to wrap up a story or two. My internet allowance has been severely limited though; I only pay for it, why should I get to use it?

What I’ve really learned from this though, is that my blog is clearly cursed in a Monkey’s Paw kind of way and I really must be careful what I write here.

Expect a carefully considered, danger-free post next time.

Tuesday, 4 August 2009 Time Management

Where the hell did that week go? I try to keep this pitiful blog updated on a regular (if not frequent) basis, but that last week just flew by and I think I pretty much stood still.

As ever, I’m behind with just about everything.

I have a huge To Read pile that seems to be growing like some sort of nasty rash. I’ve read an awful lot of junk recently and want to get back to some good stuff, some stuff I actually enjoy and look forward to reading. Recommendations welcome, by the way – I’m pretty eclectic.

I don’t watch much TV, but my To Watch pile is increasing and I’m behind on that too. I’ve only just caught up with the recent season of Lost - fantastic, as ever and I really must make an effort to keep up to date with the final season as it happens. The last episode was great and left me desperate for more. Still didn’t top the end of season 3 though – We have to go back to the island, Kate… classic moment.

Yesterday, I finished the first season of Dexter – loved it, and will probably add the books to my To Read pile.

I still have most of The Sopranos to watch, as well as Band of Brothers, two seasons of Dexter, a Twilight Zone box-set and the first season of Night Gallery. Oh, and countless films too.

See, I’m not exactly up to the minute.

My To Listen pile (OK, that’s not actually a pile as such, more a digital mass) is always increasing, and I’m lagging way behind.

Did I mention my writing? Way, way, way behind on that. Lots to write, lots to draft, lots to edit, to polish, submit, cry over when rejected, submit again.

I just need the world to stop for a while and let me catch up. That’s not a lot to ask for, now is it?

Monday, 27 July 2009 Cold Turkey

Home again from an incredibly wet week in the sticks. No TV, no pc, no phone – the silence would have been unnerving were it not for the near constant bickering and squabbling from the kids and the beating of the torrential rain.

Happy days.

It was almost like being back in the 70’s again, except I didn’t have my favourite Spiderman t-shirt. The one that was tight enough even on my (then) skinny frame to make breathing a chore. It was a lovely shade of bile-yellow with lurid green piping and a peeling transfer of Spidey webbing some hapless thug.

There’s a faded Polaroid of me in this infamous shirt, shivering on a Summer beach-front somewhere and sitting astride a rather miserable looking donkey, but, don’t worry, I won’t inflict such rose-tinted 70’s nostalgia on you.

Anyway, I digress, but it was weird to be away from the 24 hour instant access world, even for just a few days. In a good way though… I think.

Of course, that means I have a hell of a lot to catch up with. Hopefully, my inbox will be inundated with acceptances and other glorious things to celebrate. I’m nothing if not optimistic.

First thing the kids did once we got back was turn on the TV (SpongeBob is a God to be worshipped at all times) and ask for the laptop to be booted up to speak to their friends on Live Messenger (u up 2?; nthn mch u?; nthn mch).

Normal service is resumed.

Friday, 17 July 2009 Picture This

The new issue of Morpheus Tales hit the shelves a couple of weeks back. I’m not sure exactly where or in what sort of quantity, but you get the idea. It’s out…now.

My contributor copy made its way past the bio-hazard tape, the high stone walls, the rusted gates and the fearsome Boneyard security system and into my ink-stained hands yesterday. A nice looking thing it is too. What could be nicer than seeing your name on the cover alongside Joe R. Lansdale? I’m pretty sure that’ll never happen again.

Check out one of the illustrations to my story below.


A big thanks here to the artist, Robert Leija, who’s done a great job. I couldn’t be happier with the artwork he’s provided.

Now, if only I’d put as much effort into the story.

Friday, 10 July 2009 Rated and Slated

I’ve always been a little wary of critique services, but I came across one a while back that sounded OK and I was curious. I’d just finished a story that I thought was pretty good, but seemed to be missing something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

It was an 1800 word story, the fee was negligible and they promised a quick turnaround. What did I have to lose? Other than my pride and dignity, that is, but I lost those a long time ago anyway.

So I dipped my toe in the water and sat back, waiting for the words of wisdom to come in.

Two months later, I sent a polite query asking if they could give me an idea of when to expect my critique.

A month after that, I finally got my ‘full service critique.’ It’s presented here in all its glory.


Now, that’s what I call a full critique. I have a cool looking chart showing exactly where the story succeeds and where it fails. What could be better than that?

I scored fairly high in most areas, but my presentation let me down a little. They asked for it to be sent as plain text in the body of an e-mail, not standard manuscript format. I duly obliged, so where I failed in presentation I really don’t know, but I’ll take it on the chin and move on.

Still, money well spent, I think you’ll agree.

But wait, there’s more. Not only did I get this rather fancy looking chart, I also had a bonus comment. Free of charge, no less. Now, that’s what I call a deal.

‘You clearly can write,’ it said.

Yes, I can; I learned at school. They taught me to read too. On a good day I can also clean my teeth, get dressed all by my own and, albeit at a push, I can even do myself a nice little packed lunch. Although it has to be said, I make a mess with the peanut butter.

Never, ever again.

I think I’ve since found the missing element that eluded me for a while with that story, but I still haven’t sold it. Come on editors – it scored 7 out of 10 for originality. That can’t be bad.

Friday, 3 July 2009 How (Not) to Deal with Pesky Kids

I recently caught ‘The Ring’ on TV and was reminded how good it is. Most Hollywood versions of j-horror tend to be pretty lame compared to their original counterparts, but this one really got under my skin the first time I saw it. Second time around, it did exactly the same. There’s a great sense of creeping dread throughout the whole film. Very dark, very disturbing.

Of course, the original is great too, but it’s been a long while since I saw that and I wanted to do a quick compare and contrast. Especially of that scene – you know the one.

Like most things these days, the whole film is on You Tube for your viewing pleasure (albeit in 10 minute chunks) but I also came across this. Dark, disturbing? Or is it just plain cruel?



Gave me a chuckle anyway. Those poor kids.